He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
