one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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