Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
