did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
