Well apparently he's into motor boating.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
