will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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