I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
