I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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