it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
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im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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