Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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