im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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