Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
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I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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