yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
