Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
