got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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