True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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