Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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