my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
