he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
