I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
