It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
