I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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