im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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