I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
