It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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