Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
