a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
