I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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