He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
FUCK WHALES
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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