I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
