you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
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