can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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