some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she peed on how many people?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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