So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
