this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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