Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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