do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
