Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
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I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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