Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
