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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
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Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
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Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
They are going to name an STD after you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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