Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
