he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
