a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
