Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
