I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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