dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
