Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
