My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
