OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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