someone threw a dead crab at me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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