You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I smell like Dick and happiness
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
