I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
