so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
