literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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