New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have already put on my inside pants.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
