And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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