Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
50% drunk capacity currently
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
