that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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