I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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