Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
