ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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