I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
