So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
