Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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