my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I will be naked everywhere
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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