i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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